1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I can't put those talents on a resume
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
