Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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