life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
