Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
