...so i touched it.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
