last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
