I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Randomize
