this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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