D3 body, D1 cock
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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