She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
