How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
My vagina just clenched in fear
God I need to hump something, right now.
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