He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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