her vagine was all disorganized.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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