i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
