that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
