I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
