I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
