I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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