I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
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