just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
