bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
