singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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