guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
