porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
