PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
pray to the hookup gods
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
