everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
