If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
