Got a toothbrush?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
