She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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