please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
