Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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