I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
