If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize