so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
