I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
you guys were way drunker than both of me
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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