You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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