Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
i now understand why vodka
Randomize