I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize