Hey man sorry I got all grabby
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
pray to the hookup gods
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
