she woke up with a sticky ear
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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