I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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