Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
