Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
