I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
