i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
