i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
