Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
she smelled like a LAN party
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize