Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
