I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
