So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize