The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
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