Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
