Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
