I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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