Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
