you guys were way drunker than both of me
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
