I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize