"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
