A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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