She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
As shirtless as possible
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
