we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
