I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
