What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize