I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
