Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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