You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
