I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
