i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
