Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
